Monday 28 September 2015

How can we care - really care - in our modern world?

For the last few days I have cared full-time for my dad. And it's like the world has slowed down...

First I tried to impose my rhythm on my dad. Of course, I failed miserably. Even if he wanted to (which I doubt), he can no longer move at my pace. And as my frustration grew, I realised I had to slow down to match his "speed".

So I made the conscious decision to adapt to him, instead of expecting him to adapt to me.
And suddenly, as I slowed down, time slowed down too. No longer was I chasing time, whipping the horse, struggling; as I slowed down, I realised caring could only ever happen on his schedule.
How could I properly care if I spent my time trying to "achieve" something?

On the contrary, caring is all about being at the other's disposal, listening to their needs and forgetting for a brief moment our own...

And then I saw a parallel to my role as a parent: only too often have I tried achieving something and given my children neither the time nor the space to unfold themselves.

By following my thoughts, my agenda, on what my father or my children "need", I forgot to listen, really listen, and tried (mostly unsuccessfully, thank god) to bully them into following my schedule.
Of course I meant well, but as always, good intentions are paving the way to hell - in this case making everything so much harder.

So now I am trying my best to follow the natural rhythm, which happens to be very, very slow, and am starting to really enjoy our interactions as I'm giving myself the time to actually appreciate them.

And every little moment when I am truly there for my dad, when I am "in the moment", I realise how lucky I am to still be able to enjoy his company.