Yes, it may seem like a no-brainer to leave an abusive relationship, but for those who are in it, and have systematically been made to feel small, stupid, ugly or incompetent, some more reasons than just being told "everyone deserves to be treated well" may come in handy.
In the following, I am imagining a situation where there is a male abuser, and a female victim; but of course the opposite happens as well (just less often).
1. If you don't leave, you are putting yourself at a real risk of being maimed or killed by your partner.
2. I you don't leave, you're sending a message to your abuser that his behaviour is acceptable (as you are tacitly accepting the abuse by staying).
3. If you don't leave, your abuser is not given the opportunity to mend his ways - now that is a controversial one, and I would not recommend to offer a second chance in situations of physical abuse; but for most people, change will only occur when there are no more other options - and if he does love you, it may make them realise the necessity of changing (as you send a clear message by leaving that you do not put up with the abuse).
4. If you have children, staying in an abusive relationship is showing them the worst example: your sons will think that abusing women is normal, and your daughters will see that putting up with abuse is the normal thing to do. You're dramatically increasing the odds of your children to become part of abusive relationships themselves - either as abusers or victims.
Often people think domestic violence is about physical violence - but in reality abuse comes in many shapes and forms: http://www.domesticviolence.nsw.gov.au/what_is_domestic_and_family_violence describes how it can be physical, verbal, psychological, financial, social, sexual... The website also offers great information on your rights and where to find help (in Australia).
Liane Moriarty describes all those dynamics beautifully in "Little Big Lies" and still manages to make it a rollicking good read. It's a bit of a "chick-lit" novel, but it covers the subject of domestic violence and its toxic trickle-down effects extremely convincingly. At the same time, the book is a withering caricature of primary-school mums in all their variety and glory, and it had me laughing out loud in many places.
In the following, I am imagining a situation where there is a male abuser, and a female victim; but of course the opposite happens as well (just less often).
1. If you don't leave, you are putting yourself at a real risk of being maimed or killed by your partner.
2. I you don't leave, you're sending a message to your abuser that his behaviour is acceptable (as you are tacitly accepting the abuse by staying).
3. If you don't leave, your abuser is not given the opportunity to mend his ways - now that is a controversial one, and I would not recommend to offer a second chance in situations of physical abuse; but for most people, change will only occur when there are no more other options - and if he does love you, it may make them realise the necessity of changing (as you send a clear message by leaving that you do not put up with the abuse).
4. If you have children, staying in an abusive relationship is showing them the worst example: your sons will think that abusing women is normal, and your daughters will see that putting up with abuse is the normal thing to do. You're dramatically increasing the odds of your children to become part of abusive relationships themselves - either as abusers or victims.
Often people think domestic violence is about physical violence - but in reality abuse comes in many shapes and forms: http://www.domesticviolence.nsw.gov.au/what_is_domestic_and_family_violence describes how it can be physical, verbal, psychological, financial, social, sexual... The website also offers great information on your rights and where to find help (in Australia).
Liane Moriarty describes all those dynamics beautifully in "Little Big Lies" and still manages to make it a rollicking good read. It's a bit of a "chick-lit" novel, but it covers the subject of domestic violence and its toxic trickle-down effects extremely convincingly. At the same time, the book is a withering caricature of primary-school mums in all their variety and glory, and it had me laughing out loud in many places.